Preludes And Nocturnes

I’ve got 35 in-class assignments from my children’s lit group, 35 1st essays from my composition group, I get 35 more essays from composition tomorrow, and I’ve just handed back 35 in-class for them as well.  I’ve been a marking momma these past few weeks.

Today I filled out the paperwork for Malcolm’s care starting in september. She is a mom in her home and taking in two kids.  I located and circled no less that four errors on her paperwork and also corrected an unclear sentence about hours of operation.

I can’t believe she didn’t just tell me to leave right then and there.  I’m such a wanker.

(But I really did do it without even thinking about it.)

Hey, if someone wants to go all natural, rock on.  I actually ended up fairly “natural” since when I started to really really hurt, I was ready to push (to the surprise of everyone in the room including the doctor who wasn’t in the room). So really, I could get all snooty-mc-snoot-snoot and start flaffing about how I did it without an epi (with being induced at that) so why can’t everyone else.

But no. No, I think women should totally have pain meds if they want them.  And I’m sick and tired of women telling similar stories to mine about going to prenatal classes with wack-job anti-medical instructors (usually nurses) who use language like “determination” and “strength” when discussing women who birth without meds.  Oh yes, and also who birth without c-sections.  Like it is about someone’s character or will power.

Fuckers.

I am not going to go on and on right now because I’m heading out to work (busy little household these days), but I just wanted to put this out there.  Why isn’t there a movement for root canals without pain management?  Or hip replacement without pain management? Or extracting teeth without pain management?  Why don’t people get all up in someone’s face about “being natural” when getting their appendix out?  No one ever suggests that people won’t bond with their new boobs if they are asleep when they’re put in.

It is funny that a bunch of co-ed events are perfectly fine with medical intervention, but somehow thing thing located only within the realm of women is the one that becomes so politically tied to NATURAL.  And I’ll say it again, I have no problem with people making that choice for themselves, but I hate the bullshit that goes on in judging others.  And natural does not equal better in all cases.  Polio is natural and deadly.  A burst appendix is natural and until recently lead to certain death.   Great White Sharks and Mountain Lions are natural and will still nibble your yummy flavor from your bones.

Yeah yeah, sharks don’t tend to eat people, but dude they are totally freaky-ass.

I think I made my point.

I’m attending a memorial tomorrow and it has me rather pensive.  The Head of my department, Michael, has been off work on and off over the past two years. His son was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago, he fought it, but it just came back before Christmas.

His son was about to graduate high school this year.  He had other health problems and was in a wheelchair, but Michael and his wife did not expect to lose him like this.

I don’t know what someone does when they lose their child.  I have been obsessed with this thought more than a few times this week thinking about Malcolm and how he’ll always eternally be my baby. How do you watch your child die?

So I find myself trying to just remember this when I’m pissed about work or students are being dinky and annoying. I’m not wanting to in any way guilt myself, as our lives do carry on and we cannot live every day like a pollyanna movie - but I’ve tried to hang out with Malcolm each day and just enjoy him being that little elf that he is.

I wrote a note to Michael and tried to capture a supportive sentiment.  I said how our children are these amazing wonderous little pieces of ourselves we never knew we had until they were right there, in front of us, grinning like mad and laughing.  And that they are eternally a part of us.

So, if you have a little elf in your life - give them a squeeze. Yes?

It is 12:30am and I cannot sleep.  I’ve been having issues lately with teh sleep. I am tired enough at the right times during the day and evening. Even as I get into bed I feel nice and ready for sleep - but then I can’t. I get right to the point of drifting off… and then BOOM I’m awake.

You know the drill. I make grocery lists, I think about my job, I think about the jobs I’m applying for this week since my current job is being cut back since The Committee didn’t find me worth of the permanent position they posted so the sessional hours have been cut. I think about weight loss and how mine is gaining rather than losing.  I think about finding the time to exercise more, eat less, should I break down and just buy more pants?  And then I dream - the non sleeping dreaming . Tonight I am thinking up the lectures I wish I had time to make.  I’m teaching chilren’s lit and I really really want to make up some amazing lectures. I have some very good ones from the first round, and they get better with each teaching. But it takes more time than I have right now to do the research for what I wish I could present.

I want to do this presentation on fairy tales, and history, and current interpretations with pictures clicking away behind me as I speak. I want weathered old crones to look out at the class as I prode them into considering the roles of older women in the tales. I want to seemlessly weave together ideas from multiple countries, multiple times, as I pause to play a quick clip from the latest animated version.

But right now I’m living the prep/marking version of hand-to-mouth teaching two double-time classes for 6.5 weeks.  And we’ve learned the hard way that prepping too much ahead of time can lead to heartbreak when the Power That Be decide to cancel/switch your class two weeks before the start date.

So with that said, I’m using my non sleep time tonight to google a few good images and save them to a file. Baby steps can sometimes get me at least part-way to the lecture I dream of delivering.

(Thanks to all who commented on the babysitting thread. I felt that I was vidicated on the crazy rate, and confirmed that my locals are not fleecing me. Or at least that I’m not alone.)

A rant.

Okay, I’m asking about rates on my local mommy board and it is cheesing me off. I had wondered if $5/hr made sense. I’ve already got a “well you have to pay them something worth their time” comment, and I’m all prickly and grumpy or something. I’ve seen some people talk on a local mommy board about some rather high babysitting rates, but they were always for more kids or overnight, etc. So I call my friend uses an adult who is completing her ECE and pays $12/hr. Another friend said she pays $8/hr for a teen sitter. Erm, this seems kinda high to me for a teen sitter. Not to get all “back in my day” about it - but I made $2.50/hr.. $3/hr if there were lots of kids. And my main point of comparison is that min wage back then was $5/hr.

I’m pretty much looking to employ my friend’s teenage daughter for 4 hours during the day - and the occasional evening when Malcolm will be in bed already. For the day I’ll premake lunch. She’ll just need to hang out with Malcolm, change a few diapers, and that’s about it. Malcolm might even nap during that time.

The one part of me thinks that babysitters really do deserve more (you know, when I start thinking about entrusting them with my child and I get all philosophical about it) - but the other part of me is just some grumpy old lady who starts shaking her cane and yelling about how “back in my day… we only got $2.50/hr and were pretty darned happy with they rounded up and gave us $15 or $20 for being there until 3am and tidying up the house”.

Babysitting was never a “real job” back then. I certainly didn’t make even close to min wage and didn’t expect to… I wonder if any of this is related to how the economy *has* been and if this rate will drop a bit? And this would certainly mean that anyone who earns more in the min-wage range themselves woundn’t ever be able to afford to go out. Oh dear, I’m getting crotchety!

*shakes cane at the sky*

So I’ve been loving Zumba lately. I’ve gotten to three classes a week and am feeling that my tummy is getting a bit flatter.

Well, I hope.

It really kicks my butt and I’m adding more and more to my moves so I’m getting more out of it.  I thought I’d share a couple links of what my class is like if you were wondering.

Ah, here’s what mine is like:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1NIIxzlRbI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7febpbS5esw

(she is really good. If anyone wanted to try it at home, I’d just work through her postings!)

Oh man, here’s a fellow I found the other day when looking up various songs from my zumba class.  He really just needs the grade nine PE coach whistle.
*sigh*

It is just too painful to watch.  But, um, all the power to him. I hope he is having fun. It just ISN”T what I think Zumba is like:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrudcFMb5I8

That is one of the songs I’m downloading when I get my itunes credit.